Poem-ish // Why I don’t eat cookies

When I was on a diet,
I went to a birthday party.
The host served cookies, but I didn’t eat mine.
She asked me if I didn’t like the food
I told her I was on a strict diet.
She smiled and said,
“Honey, you wouldn’t gain ten pounds with one bite.”
It’s true.
No one would gain ten pounds with one bite.
But no one understood that one bite
is the most lethal
because you would know the taste
And you wouldn’t be able to stop.
And when people ask me why
I couldn’t stomach the idea of love
I always say,
My lips would miss
the kisses
and the spaces between my fingers
would be vacant again.
And, I’d rather not know the taste
because I’d prefer never to meet you
Than to love you then lose you.

// Credits to Yan Tamba for the artwork //

Top Three // Reasons why they leave

1. According to him, he cannot see the galaxy in her eyes anymore. He cannot see the stars burst whenever she talks about the things she loves. He does not appreciate the way she slowly closes her eyes when she falls asleep in his arms. He said when he looks in her eyes, he doesn’t see the girl standing alone in the rain when he offered his own umbrella. He only sees his faint reflection because she already closed the window.
2. According to her, his gifts aren’t as special as they were. Not the material gifts, the certain gifts her eyes cannot see. She wants to feel what her hands cannot feel. She cannot give him something he is not willing to give back. She said she tried her best to make him understand, but she was finally convinced she cannot help someone who cannot help himself when he greeted her Happy Birthday, love on his ex-girlfriend’s birthday.
3. According to them, even if they try to keep the fire ablaze in their relationship, how can you resuscitate the dead if the doctors, themselves, aren’t alive?

// Lovely artwork by Suehiro Maruo //

Thoughts // Cirque Du Misérables

Whenever I tell people
I am not happy
With what I look like
They always say
All you got to do is
Love yourself.

I always want to ask
Do you ever see
Your reflection staring back at you
Like how I see myself
Thinking
No one would ever love you

Because all you are is kind
But not beautiful.

Poem-ish // Do you know where monsters come from?

Bedtime stories taught me
Princesses waited in tall towers
While the knight faces every narrow bridge
And smokey mountains and fiery seas
To save a beautiful girl who knew nothing
About saving herself

In the last page, storytellers finish the book
After they write they all lived happily ever after
But no one taught the princess
That the knight leaves when his hunger
Isn’t sated, and when there is no satisfaction
His hands will crave for ruination

And when his hands aren’t holding
A sword to obliterate a threat
Because there is no more threat, only simplicity
In happily ever after
The princess becomes the threat
Because she wasn’t all he thought she was

Do you know where monsters come from?
Fire-breathing dragons? Sirens? Witches?
They were all princesses
Once
After the knights destroyed them

Because how can you be happy
If you were only taught to wait
For someone to save you
For someone to love you
There is no happily ever after
Only beings writers never speak of
Only monsters

// Credits to the amazing artwork of Don Kenn’s Monsters //

Thoughts // I’m sorry I smothered you

I’m sorry for promising I won’t leave.

I’m sorry for leaving.

I’m sorry for accidentally opening your text messages.

I’m sorry for reading every bitter word of your betrayal.

I’m sorry for searching her on Facebook.

I’m sorry for reading her tweets last Friday night, finding out you were with her when you said you were with your friends.

I’m sorry for asking you who she was.

I’m sorry for being jealous.

I’m sorry you smashed the vase.

I’m sorry you broke the window.

I’m sorry you wrecked my apartment.

I’m sorry you hit me.

I’m sorry you left marks of your fingertips on my neck.

I’m sorry I was dying.

I’m sorry you had to pay for the hospital bills.

I’m sorry for not telling you I went home to my mother.

I’m sorry you called me crying, saying you miss me

I’m sorry that you’re sorry.

I’m sorry for making you wait.

I’m sorry I’m not pretty today because of my black eye.

Thoughts // Poison

I just cracked the code.
Do you remember when people said that
When you fall in love,
You must take your brain with you
Because without the presence of mind, you’ll end up
Hurting yourself.

But no.
It’s really not the heart that leaves us broken
It’s our brains, actually
That hurt us.
Have you ever heard yourself say, ” I thought….”
You thought what? That you’re special?

You really think that each glance?
Each smile? Each word?
Means anything?
It’s only you. Who assumes. Who expects,
That there is something in the way you move
that will leave him breathless.

It’s not our hearts that tear us apart
It’s our minds
Who is doltish to think there is a chance
Suspended in sunbeam
Left tangled in the amidst of desperation.

You really think? You really wish?
Our thoughts are not facts.
I just cracked the code.
My brain, your brain
is slowly poisoning
us.

// Beautiful artwork by len-yan //

Poem-ish // Amor Deliria

If love was a disease
Like how Paralysis makes the body freeze
Or like how Dementia make the mind forget
I swear you infected me but I don’t regret

If doctors would say I’d die tomorrow
Because you only bring heartache and sorrow
I promise I won’t take any medication
Because loving you was the greatest indication

You taught me how to be brave
Because being brave meant you leaving me
It hurts so bad because it’s you I only crave
I’d do anything, darling, to make you see

If love was poison that would kill me each day
I’d die with you and and that’s the sweetest I could say

// Title credit to Lauren Oliver’ book – Delirium //

Poem-ish // Questions I ask myself late at night

When dusk knocks on my window
The sky painted in charcoal black
The time when darkness seeps in
Tears come streaming down
Like how light is chased away

The words that bite my every thought
I ask myself several questions
That steal away my sanity
I pray to the Lord to help me find
The answers to these questions that go like

What was life like before humanity existed?
Why is grass greener on the other side?
What happens if we alter history?
What is the mystery surrounding death?
Why did you say you love me when you only meant to leave me?

Poem-ish // Why we never worked out

You said you hated the way humans slowly destroy nature.

After that, you crumpled a clean sheet of paper because it had jagged edges.

You said you hated the way teachers never listen to students justifying their ways.

After that, you didn’t answer my phone calls when you heard rumors about me.

You said you hated the way she makes you feel you’re non-existent.

After that, you never talked to me again when I told you myself the rumors are true.

You said you hated the way your mother still loved your father.

But you hated the fact that I, your best friend, have fallen love with you.

You said you hated the way your father left your mother.

After the day I last saw those brown eyes, I can only question myself, why are we drawn to things that ruin us?